Killer Chimp and the Keystone Cops

Audio: 911 recording reveals details of Stamford chimpanzee attack - NewsTimes.com

Aside from a tremendous amount of sympathy for the woman who will never be the same after this attack, I can't help but laugh at the idiot dispatcher. Hopefully he's just hard of hearing. Despite his not being able to get a single thing right about what was going on, at least he did the important thing and, after only a few wasted seconds, sent police to her.

On the other audio file, the police sound much more competent. But it's funny how someone decides to "correct" what the animal is by calling it a orangutan. So, it went from a person with a gun, to a chimpanzee, to a monkey, and then to an orangutan.

No face, hands severed... that poor woman. I guess she's still alive, but if/when she recovers, she definitely won't be the same, physically or mentally.

Baby chimps are really strong, so a 200 pound chimp is probably something like Superman strong. If the officer under attack hadn't shot the chimp, he'd either be dead, mutilated, or both.

Having a domesticated chimp is no different than having a domesticated tiger, in that both can snap like a pit bull and attack you or other humans. But even worse than a pit bull, both are wild animals and it is known that there is a risk of danger to others. So, to some degree the owner of the chimp is liable, maybe even criminally negligent.

However, that said, the friend who came over did assume some risk. How much risk I think depends on what the owner told her. Did she tell her that she had given the chimp some Xanex and that the chimp was acting really irritated? Had the chimp been physically aggressive before?

Hopefully the chimp made enough money for the owner that she can afford to pay her friend's medical expenses. I doubt it though, but maybe her home owner's insurance will be of some help too.

Moral of this story... If your friend has an animal that you know can easily kill or mutilate you, be very cautious, because it can easily kill or mutilate you, especially if it's already in an agitated state of mind. If your friend asks you to come over to help catch their angry wild animal, be like Nancy Reagan and just say no. You can say, "No, I'd rather not get attacked today." Or, "No, I rather like my face the way it is." Or, "No, I like having and being able to use my hands."

Lord, help that woman who has paid such a high price to help her friend.